


Home Is A Feeling

by UlisaBarbic



Category: Dragon Ball
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Father-Son Relationship, Gen, Gohan is a Daddy’s boy, Good Parent Son Goku (Dragon Ball), Grief/Mourning, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, Reunions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-23
Updated: 2020-10-23
Packaged: 2021-03-09 06:21:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27169231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UlisaBarbic/pseuds/UlisaBarbic
Summary: Before everyone heads home after the victory against Buu, Gohan and Goku have the proper reunion they never had time for.
Comments: 7
Kudos: 52





	Home Is A Feeling

“Home! Daddy gets to come home!”

Goten’s shouting and jumping around the lookout like a little monkey added some form of realism to the whole thing. Buu—good Buu—being here, the world being revived, Vegeta and Goku both back from the dead. The battle, long and hard as it had been, was over. 

It was a lot to take in.

ChiChi had all but clung to Goku like a leech after his announcement, sobbing and the Saiyan just laughed nervously before touching his forehead on hers and whispering about being sorry for being gone so long. It was a wisp of a statement, just enough to stop her tears and pour happiness into her eyes.

Videl nudged Gohan as the family had their reunion. “Well, aren’t you gonna go hug your Dad?” She not-whispered as she leaned back and let Mr. Satan hug her tightly again. Normally, she would have found it bothersome but right now, it was a deep relief to have his arms around her. She was here, he was here and it was a deep soothingness to her heart that she’d not lost her father.

Speaking of which...she’d heard Gohan talk about his father with such reverence and that’s why she was so confused. The man was back! Wasn’t Gohan supposed to be ecstatic?

Gohan looked like a rat in a trap though because Videl’s not so subtle statement had directed all eyes on him, perhaps more so than they should have but everyone knew how close Goku and Gohan were. They’d witnessed it time and time again. So, yes, Gohan’s rather aloofness felt odd.

Goku’s face turned downtrodden. “You mad at me, Gohan?”

The teen shook his head, almost violently, from side to side but he did not answer. His lips were pinched. There was an intensity to his whole frame that was nearly tangible and he’d not said a word since Goku had returned to the Lookout. Smiled, beamed, looked happy but no words. And now that happiness looked like it faded.

Goten frowned, “Big Brother, what’s wrong? Aren’t you happy? Daddy gets to come home! Isn’t that what you always wanted? You and Mom used to talk about it all the time and now we get it! Daddy and Vegeta beat Buu! Why aren’t you happy?”

Gohan didn’t have an answer. Well, to be more accurate, he DID have an answer but with all eyes on him, he could hardly say it. Not here. Not now. Maybe he deserved to say it, let all judgement fall on him like it should but his tongue and lips failed him. 

So, instead, he turned and walked away, disappearing around the corner of the lookout, away from the prying eyes. He could hear the calls after him, the inquires but he ignored all of them. He couldn’t face all this right now. Maybe it was wrong to not just keep his smiling, happy face but he couldn’t do it. He needed a moment. 

Sweet solitude after a time and then he could process again. Then he could come to terms. Then, he could truly embrace the relief and happiness that moved just below the surface.

But right now, it was drowning.

OOO

Videl turned to the gathered group, “What’s wrong with Gohan? He was thrilled five minutes ago!”

Krillin scratched his head, “Gohan’s always been kind of a private person with his emotions. But I’m kinda stumped here too. I mean, you’re back, Goku!” He said it aloud, if only to hear it again, turning to face his old friend. “I thought the kid would be over the moon!”

Goku kept a calm demeanor. “I think he is, down deep. But there’s something else goin’ on.” He reached down and ruffled Goten’s hair, “Lemme go figure it out, okay, then we can go home. Maybe you and Mom can talk about what we’re gonna eat!” He turned to the others, “Heck, why don’t you all come over tonight? We’ll celebrate!”

Trunks, still holding onto Vegeta’s hand as much as he thought he could get away with, perked up. He and Goten would routinely play throughout the mountain and much as Trunks was spoiled with all manner of technology and toys, there was no better place to run and play than that mountain.

And ChiChi’s cooking far surpassed even their professional chefs.

Looking up at his parents, Trunks remarked “We earned a party, right?”

The adults looked from one to the other then Bulma smiled, “Count us in.”

Krillin hoisted Marron into his arms and grinned, “Never turned down a celebration yet.” He shifted eyes to 18 and when she gave no objection, he finished, “Not about to start now.”

Goku turned to Videl and Mr. Satan. “You guys too! Everybody helped out!”

Videl looked at her father, “Say yes, Papa. That mountain is so beautiful and you helped out a lot! Let’s all celebrate together.”

“Well...suppose it would be rude to refuse and I do wanna see where you’ve been hanging out with this Gohan so...alright! The Champ is in!”

In typical Goku fashion, he wrapped his arms around Videl and Mr. Satan and gave them a light push towards the rest of the group. “Good! You all figure out the details!” He pulled away and headed around the corner, “I’ll talk to Gohan.”

Goku set Piccolo with a look as he walked. The Namek had stayed silent the entire time. Not too surprising. Stoic and quiet was Piccolo’s status quo. All the same, Goku knew Piccolo was always tuned into his oldest. “Let me handle it, Piccolo.”

The Namek remarked, arms folded, “There’s a lot more than this battle simmering, Goku.” Piccolo’s words held no judgement just concern coated with urgency. “It’s been there a long time.”

“I know that.” Goku said firmly, without hesitation. “I know there is. We didn’t exactly have a lot of down time to address it. You think I didn’t want to when we were on Supreme Kai’s planet? Catching up with him was ALL I wanted to do. But...well, priorities. What do you think I intend to do, now?”

“I can’t always tell with you—“ Piccolo remarked, with a shrug of shoulder. Maybe there was a hint of anger there. 

Goku’s eyes darkened. “He’s my son.” He said nothing else because no other statement carried such power. Of all the power Goku had gained, no word, attack or defense carried more strength than that simple phrase.

Piccolo nodded and left him be, approaching the gangle of people with extreme reluctance. He could already hear the chattering and arguments and at some point, Goten punches Trunks (probably justifiably) and Vegeta advised “Hit him back, boy.”

Perhaps a mediator was needed.

Goku, while slightly amused at the commotion (especially when Goten insisted Trunks stop talking about his brother in the negative for the delay) left the collection of people behind him.

His heart was on one.

OOO

Gohan closed his eyes. Refocusing used to be so easy. It used to be something he could do so easily. The skill was something Piccolo taught him but his father helped him perfect. Especially in that Time Chamber. His father would coach him, even through those blazing hot winds and freezing cold nights until he conquered it. Until Super Saiyan had become as natural as breathing.

And this is how I repay him...

“Gohan.”

The voice at his back stiffened his spine. “...Dad.”

“Last time I checked.” Flopping down to Gohan’s right, mimicking his son’s posture, letting his legs dangle over the edge. “You wanna talk to me now that you don’t have a million eyes on you?”

How did he do that? How did he read him so easily, after all this time? 

Gohan stood but didn’t walk off. He folded his arms and half hunched over. If Goku didn’t know that reviving the dead healed all injuries, he would have been looking him over for one. But then, he HAD given a ton of energy to that spirit bomb. Was he still reeling from that?

Goku stood too.

“I’m so glad you’re back Dad but you shouldn’t have had to come back.” The voice sounded pinched. As if all the weight of the world was contained in those words. “I’m so glad you did but I’m mad at myself for being glad. I should be angry. I should be livid. And I am but I’m not because if you’re back then it’s worth it...”

Goku reached out, laid a strong hand on his son’s shoulder. “Gohan. You’ve got a bunch’s emotions just bubbling. I don’t even need to feel your ki to know it.”

Gohan nodded, it would be stupid to deny it. 

“Okay, so why not just start with one. I figure the rest will follow, right?”

Start with one. But if he started talking then... “You put your faith in me.” He was talking. “You put your confidence in me. I was supposed to save us. I was supposed to defeat Buu.” 

“Yeah and you did great!—“

“I failed. Again. I got cocky, again. I let the enemy manipulate me, again.” Gohan turned, his eyes looking equal parts tired and alive. “It was Cell all over again. And just like there, I failed and you had to save me.”

“Gohan—“

“That’s always how it goes! I grow stronger, faster and then I think I’m better! I think I’m invincible!”

Goku shrugged, “You’re a kid.” He smiled. “You think your ol’ Dad never did that?”

“I KEEP doing it! With Cell! With Dabura! With Buu! I was supposed to save everyone and I damned them instead. I let Buu take Goten and Trunks because I was too drunk on myself to pay attention!” He was pacing now, short and sharp back and forths.

Goku frowned. He didn’t like where this was going. The self-loathing was there, strong as it had ever been. He’d hoped years of peace would have worked to ease it. But it still rang out, clear and firm. “Son...”

“After Cell, I told myself it’d never happen again. I told myself that I would train and be strong and be everything you wanted me to be!” Gohan slammed a hand against his chest in emphasis. “But I couldn’t do it! Every time I went to train, every time I tried to push myself, all I could see was...was you and Cell disappearing.” He shook his head. “And instead of making myself deal with it, I ran from it! I ran away from it! Like a stupid little coward.”

Gohan looked up at his father but he did not hold the glance for long, turning away and talking more aloud to himself than anything. “When Goten showed me how strong he was, I was proud. But also mad and jealous. Like, why is he doing this? Why is he taking that last gift you gave me away. I knew he wasn’t doing it on purpose. It just...came to him. As if he had any say at all...” Gohan shook his head, “So, that was it for me. I had to train, I had to become stronger. Last thing I wanted was you to come back and be ashamed of what I became.”

“Gohan,” Goku deepened his voice a bit. This was good in a sense but he needed his son to listen. Not much luck getting through to someone caught up in so much emotion though.

“And look what came of it?” Gohan sounded in pain. As if the mere mention of what had occurred caused him physical discomfort. His face was red and his eyes watery though he’d not shed a tear as of yet. “I failed! I let people die, just like I let you die! And all I could do was stick my nose up in the air, get cocky and let the world die!” He clutched at his front, pulling hard on the orange colors. “I took your colors to make you proud! Because I was an idiot and thought I was worthy of it! But all I did was taint it! Because I’m not any different. I’m still the little coward that lets people die!”

Goku grasped his son tight on the cheeks. Not hard enough to hurt but firm enough to catch his attention. The Saiyan leaned in, so their eyes were close and Gohan could not look away. 

“Stop attacking yourself.” Goku’s voice was calm but firm. He’d said those seven years ago and he repeated them now. “Stop attacking yourself. With everythin’ we’ve faced, your worst enemy is still yourself and I dunno why. But Son Gohan, you listen to me—Stop. Attacking. Yourself.”

Gohan half-choked, biting down the tears in his throat. Hearing it, seeing those eyes again, just the two of them—no threat, no enemy, just them. It cut him in a way he did not expect. His father was home. His father was alive. After seven long, damned years. He was alive!

“You listenin’ to me?”

Gohan nodded, all he could manage.

“Good. Do you ‘member what I tol’ you in the Time Chamber? When we first started?”

Gohan looked at him, eyes wide and vulnerable. After a long moment, he nodded but Goku shook his head.

“Uh uh, I wanna hear you say it. So say it.” He softened his tone but kept the firmness. “Go on.”

Licking his lips even though they should not have been dry at all, Gohan said softly, eyes slightly down. “No matter what...I’ll always be proud of you.”

Goku tilted the boy’s chin so he looked him square in the eyes. It was an intense look that the man rarely used but it was not one that Gohan was alien to. It had always commanded not only respect but a strong sense of honesty, that what was being discussed was no laughing matter. It was the most serious of things. “And that hasn’t changed, Gohan. I was proud of you then, I’m proud of you now. I’ll be proud of you when I’m old and dead.” Goku shook his head and said again, “I don’t understand, Gohan. Somehow, some way you got it in your head that there’s something wrong with you but there isn’t. You’re you, you’re Gohan.” He added, “You’re my Gohan and I’m damn proud of that. You never have to be anything more than that.”

Gohan stared at him, afraid to say much of anything. His heart was thundering in his chest and his body was all but clawing at the presence of his father’s ki. Now that the adrenaline of the battle was over, the reality hit him in the face. All these things—he’d heard them before in the Time Chamber or in the late night hours when he used to fall asleep with his head on his father’s lap. It was like being given water when your body had all but forgotten what it tasted like. He’d made himself accept his father was gone. That he’d died. That nothing would change that.

Yet here they were. Here he was.

“ You’re...” he finally said, all but stumbling over his words like a drunken fool. “You’re...”

Goku caught his cheeks again, smiled. “I’m HERE, Gohan.”

The crying came then. And not the subtle, sniffling tears that surely a teenager of his age should have engaged in. No, these tears were large, fat and rained down his face. His voice caught and choked. His nose ran.

And Gohan flung his arms around the man and held him as tight as he dared, as tight as he could as if he would slip away any moment. If this was an illusion, a dream...

Gohan slumped and Goku knelt with him until they were both on the ground. Gohan dug his nails into his father’s back and he sobbed. Loud, obnoxious, horrifically awful sobs that sounded more dying animal than anything else.

He sobbed for the day his father left.

He sobbed for the day Goten was born without a father.

He sobbed for the day when his father’s scent had left the house, no matter how hard he tried to find a fragment of it left.

He sobbed for all the things he had wanted to run to his father for over the past seven years.

He cried for those mornings he had burst into the bedroom or meditation room, forgetting for a moment that he was gone.

Yet here he was. 

Alive.

“You’re here.” He finally managed though it was murmured into the man’s shoulder. “You’re finally home.”

The man he had spent the last seven years wishing he could talk to and yet now he was and all the words were ash in his mouth. But he didn’t need words right now. 

He’d never needed words.

Goku reached up and ran his fingers through the boy’s thick hair. “I’m here, Gohan. Dad’s here.” He tightened his grip and rested his temple on the boy’s head. He had thought that hug on Supreme Kai’s planet would have been the last one. He’d wanted to cling to him there but had not dared. Now though, none of that mattered.

He was back. He was here. He was home.

“Daddy’s here.”


End file.
